With a little help from my friends...

So, I had a semi-crisis which was averted with the help of some close friends. After hashing it out & several intense journal entries, I realized I'm happy. And not just "meh, I'm ok" but "YES! I AM ALIVE!!" happy. I have a great boyfriend, my career prospects are picking up & an AMAZING support system. I will not allow people from my past to put doubt in my heart and strangle the roots I'm currently growing. To him: Our time has past & you need to get over me. You had your chance & you effed me over time & time again. When I finally move on, you try to come back. No. Not this time. The love I have for you is dead.

Moving to happier thoughts, my friends are amazing. My October is pretty much booked between birthday parties, baby showers, & traveling. It's shaping up to be pretty epic. :)

Blargh

I have insomnia & since I can't sleep you are all subjected to my ramblings. I've been having a fairly bad week considering my car was broken into & my gps/cash was stolen, I'm having trouble with my muse, & I'm having doubts about my business. The only thing that seems to be helping is music/dancing & chanting Rupert's name. I'm in a rut namely & I need to break out of it. I've got 3 options: 1. Sign up for the pinup class I've been drooling over 2. Go for a weekend vacation 3. Go shopping. All involve a slightly hefty price but I can swing it without even glancing at my savings next week. I may even go for all 3. Why not be a big spender?

Also something that's been tickling me lately: burlesque class. While I will probably never have the chutzpah to perform in public, it'll be fun giving my alter ego her head.

---I do what I want

Just a Friend?

So today was just a really crummy day for me. It started & revolved around an ex of mine. He sent me a text after no contact for 8 months after a huge falling out with me & his girlfriend. So naturally I read him the riot act & waited for his response. He apologized & stated that he wished to be friends again. I told him I honestly didn't know how I felt about that & needed time to think. While at one point I did love him (or thought I did at any rate), I am still bitter about how he ended our friendship. He was, to borrow a phrase: "my very good best friend." He was the one person I turned to when things got bad or I needed to talk something out. Now when I need to turn to someone, I have Rupert. His place in my life has been replaced. I am still friends with all my exes but this one. Can I still be friends with him knowing how he abandoned me the first time? Do I even want to try to be friends? I'm not going to ruin my current relationship for an ex who now needs a friendly face. But should I try to help if I can? Confusing but my soft heart is sad.

---I do what I want

Crafts & Rats

I've finally finished all of the recipes for my cosmetic line. It will consist of lotions, lip balms, and perfumes. Now all I have to do is finish the packaging & pick a logo to start official production. It will be listed on Etsy.com & will available for purchase November 1st or sooner.

In other news, I've been researching the benefits of becoming an SG (suicide girl). The one thing that's tripping me up is being nude. While I usually have no qualms about being nude, I can't qualify being nude FOREVER on the interwebs. I'm
Very conservative with my family & I'm probably already pushing it with my tattoos & piercings. We'll see what happens after I mull it over.

People are not as happy for me as they should be. One former (& I do mean former) "friend" has confronted me on being in a relationship. Let me state for the record, that I haven't been in a serious relationship for 2 years. Yeah I dated & played around but never tried to settle down. Now that i'm trying to make one work, a lot of you "friends" are bitching about it. If you don't like it, fuck off. My happiness is not yours and I have supported you all even when you've been beaten, cheated on, & abandoned. So support or deal. That's your decision.

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"So good, so good, so good
I know you hate it but I'm
So good, so good, so good"

-So Good by Destiny's Child


---I do what I want

Wake up, suddenly...

So, I woke up this morning next to my boyfriend (completely puts a smile on my face to say that.) & I felt so at peace. The guilt I had last night was exorcised as we talked and my heart felt 10 pounds lighter. Before in relationships, I was always Wonder Woman: I cooked, I cleaned, I gave constant.. ahem "healing". I tried to be basically whatever they wanted or needed me to be. Obviously, that couldn't last long & those relationships failed. So with this new chapter in my life, I am happy to start on the correct foot. I know what I expect & want from this as does he. For once, I will not have to be Wonder Woman. Just Corsette. That alone is invaluable to me. He makes me laugh til I have to pee, think til I go hide & secretly google the subject to learn more, and smile til it feels like my face is going to split. I may not be the easiest person to fall in love with but once you're there, I try my damndest to keep you there. Rupert, you mean more to me than you can ever know. Besos, babe.

Drawing a blank...

So, I had this really witty blog thought out but I couldn't seem to type it out. I've finally finished my business plan and will start posting & packaging mid-October. I'm ridiculously happy that I didn't lose Rupert as I feared. Thanks to a really good friend, I realized that I had practically been dating him for the last 6 months & refused to acknowledge it. By refusing to acknowledge it, I was harming myself & setting myself up for failure. Thankfully, he gave me a second try. (besos, babe). So, we'll see how if goes with that. I have nothing else to say, so... Fin.


-I do what I want
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"Darling Angel,
Somebody sent me you,
And I feel alright,
Can't forget how i feel tonight,
You're mine,
You're right on time."
-Just when I needed you by Roberta Flack

Damn..Damn..Damn!!

My Iphone screen is a shattered, prickly mess. In my rush to actually get into my office on time for once, I juggled it with my purse and dropped it. Of course it dropped on its corner, which resulted in the most epic spiderweb crack I've ever seen. Now, I am panicked. It feels like I beat my girlfriend and we are sitting in the hospital waiting room. I will have to go to Apple dragging my tail between my legs and throw myself on their cruel mercy. My emotions have ran from anxious to nauseous to despair over this phone. This wonderful piece of technology who I treated like a revered lover is now broken from my abusive neglect. Hopefully, this will cost less than $300. Damn it, baby, I'm sorry. If I could go back in time, I'd put you in your usual perch in my bra. My bosom misses you. *sob*

Finish what you started

With the coming of Autumn, I find myself waiting for classes to start. For once in my life, I will see something through or die trying. I've finished my papers for my business and just have to send them in again. I also need to find a graphic designer to make a logo for my company. I've also been noticing a quick growth in my life regarding finances. Now, everyone who knows me knows that I like to make it rain not worrying about the drought that would follow afterwards. After balancing my checkbook for the 1st time ever, I've discovered I managed to squirrel away over $1000 somehow. Now the old me, would've immediately went & bought the leather motorcycle jacket & Louboutins I've been wishing for. The new me has placed it in a CD. Now that money is gone for 12 months & I am slightly ecstatic. Apparently instant gratification isn't instant. H-uh... Go figure.



---I do what I want