Monday, June 28, 2010

Just a token, a trifle really..

No time for a long blog. Too busy w/ everything going on, so a quick update:

1. Vegas next week!!

2. Still shuffling & editing the novel :)

3. Thinking A LOT about certain things through & reexamining a ton of others.

4. Just living life!

---I do what I want

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Happy Birthday to Me

On the eve of my 24th birthday, I find myself re-examining myself. What have I accomplished? What have I failed at? What are my new goals? What do I have planned for my future? I sat and wrote each question down on a piece of paper and answered each question quickly and without thinking. After leaving the paper alone for 10 minutes, I came back and read them. The answers surprised me yet felt familiar. I realized that while time is slipping away, it isn't over yet. I keep telling myself that I'm too old or it's too late for me try something. THAT is where the failure is. I wrote myself off too quickly and completely. I am making a vow to stop holding myself back. If I want to do something, then I will. I will take that class, go on that trip, or try that new dish. No doubts, no regrets.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

I'm Not Okay

I am ridiculously unhappy. I have been putting up a front for the last few weeks and it's taking it's hold on me. My body is rebelling from it and frankly my mind is too. I've been distancing myself from my loved ones because I feel that I can't talk to them without being judged. While I do know they love me, I just feel that they would frown upon my unhappiness. I just think this is just a bout of depression held over from my father's birthday & anniversary of his passing.

I am just tired of having to explain & repeat myself. I am who I am. I love who I love. Do not look a gift horse in the mouth. I believe that is the main problem. I keep being questioned and that is taking its toll on me. It's slowly chipping away at the base of me. I hate my every action to be interrogated and to have to have a motive behind every action. I do things just because. It may feel right. It may feel good. It may just need to get done.