Sunday, February 21, 2010


I lay here with my heart in pieces
Tears fill my eyes as The Beatles & Elton John sing my song about crossing the universe
I can't explain why I weep when nothing is outwardly wrong
So I know that something lies horrible in my heart
Each slow, hot tear is tugged from my soul
Cleansing & burning it clean
Each whimpered sob frees the trapped cry lodged in my throat
Melancholy describes my aura
While injured is my spirit
To heal, one must diagnose the problem
However finding the problem is half the battle
I do not know what brought on this trial by fire
But its purity is remarkable in its intensity

---I do what I want

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Love is a battlefield

I am selfish. I have no problem in saying that. I do not want children nor marriage for those reasons. I know that while I could handle the day-to-day operation of being a mom, I do not have that level of commitment in me at the moment and I doubt I ever will. However, motherhood is not what inspired this blog today. Love did.

I am currently in what I consider an ideal relationship: we each have separate lives, I love him completely, I'm happy when I'm around him, & he makes me laugh. On paper, we are complete opposites: he's a Giants fan, I'm a cowboys fan. He's a ninja, I'm a pirate. On & on I could go about us but opposites attract. Our relationship is living proof.

Lately though, he has felt the need to repeatedly ask me if we should break up. It's actually become a longterm joke that we renew our relationship every week like a contract. He states that I'm "uninterested". I must admit, I am getting to that point. I just feel that there is nothing more I can do to prove that I am invested in him.

He complains that I pay no attention to him. I do my best to sit next to him and pay attention to him when we are out. I rarely leave his side and he usually receives my undivided attention. I cannot drape and fawn all over him. That has never been me nor ever will be. I will not make him the center of my world. He may become the Mercury to my Sun, but he will never be my Sun. I think he knows that and it chafes him a bit.

I do not see him and I lasting very long if this pace continues. We are both very self-centered people and despite our attempts to assimilate and balance a relationship, we are just too different and the same. Each will give no quarter and yet demand everything.

I merely ask that I am met a quarter of the way. I will bend the other three-quarters to compensate for my personality. I have bent as far as I can. If I concede anymore, I'll be gone. That I can't abide.

---I do what I want


"I want your love and I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance."

-Bad Romance by Lady GaGa