Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Brave New Girl

These last few weeks have been a true eye-opener for me. I've been depressed, distraught, exhausted, and etc. I've questioned myself & my actions despite that I already had made concrete plans for my near future. For once in my life, I could not hinge my emotions on a significant other or relative. I had to answer to myself and make decisions solely for me.

I could make a decision and know that it only affected/benefitted me directly. I could be selfish and reckless and not care about the outcome. The experience has put me at a crossroads. For too long, I've fussed and complained because my actions benefitted me and not others.

I've sacrificed my sanity and dignity for my SOs but no longer. I will enjoy you while you are with me. I will cherish our times together but I will not put your feelings first. I gave you a heart to take care of and you have not treated it well. I will now care for it.

If I see fit, you will slowly get pieces of it back. If not, then we shall part ways.

On a new topic, I've made the decision to travel more. I continue to say how I will go places but never follow through. This will stop. I'm doing nothing but hampering my dreams by doing this. I start with Las Vegas in July and London in September. It's time I put my money where my mouth is.

Speaking of money, I've decided to make my certification work for me. I will devote as much spare time as I can into building up my wedding consulting business. It's time to stop running and grow up. I want a house, a family, and security. I WILL GET IT.


"never green growin up but fadin never
this is what Id love to gain
free at last
free from all the pain and sorrow
never feel the hurt again"

Never stop- Brand New Heavies

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I enjoy being a girl...

Sometimes. I timed my actual girl ritual today and it clocked in at a whopping hour and twenty minutes. That's including: shampoo/deep condition, shaving, depilitory, facial mask, shower, exfoiliation and moisturizing. I am now the bearer of what may be the most silkiest, smoothest body in 15 miles.

While I enjoy being able to toss on a dress and heels, the point of getting there is insanely time consuming. In light of this, I grin and bare this because dammit I look hot afterwards.

---I do what I want

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


So much has been going on that I feel like my frequency is off. Instead of a deep, calm bell, I'm getting the high pitched whine of a turbine. I've finally started my perfume business on Etsy (http://mercurypotions.etsy.com). I got my ABC bridal consultant renewal form & I'm waffling on whether or not I should try that again. My job is the same quagmire it's always been & frankly it's getting harder and harder for me to get up the energy to go every morning.

I yearn for so much more but lack the direction to get it. I see the goal but the path is lost. It's time I swallowed my own medicine and get my life together. I will make a list of my goals and see which ones to cut out and which ones to renew. I truly need to figure out what I want to do with my life. All this tossing & switching is not good my health, sanity nor soul.