Enfermo

So, I caught a cold. I hate being sick. It makes me nauseous & tired. It's terribly draining. Yes, this is also a whiny blog today. Deal. I'm waiting for 4 o'clock to come so I can speed home and burrow under my covers. I'm just not up for this cold. Stupid weather and it's stupid flu.

Formspring.me

So I cracked & got a formspring.me. You can ask me questions (Anonymously too!) & I will do my best to answer ;). The link is www.formspring.me/Corsette or just ask in the box below:

A Poem

I sit here watching the clouds turn into a music sheet
Treble notes and G clefs dance on the winds
Invisible fingers strum my heartstrings to some unknown ballad
A sweet voice croons honeyed lyrics into my ears

I roll the words on my tongue and taste the sweetest nectar
Pure creation surrounds me: filling and overflowing in me
Drowning gloriously, I pour the words onto paper
As I place the cap on my pen, I bottle this ambrosia and ship it to my lover

Telling him to sip gently, I pour the honeyed lyrics into his ear
Letting him drift off into the ecstasy.

MUSE-ic

Music has always been my biggest Muse. It has inspired, frustrated, soothed and carried me through my life. I've used it as a crutch, a shield and a sword. I've written some great work with it and it has touched my heart deeply. Whenever the world gets too hard, I run for my Ipod and hide away until I can face it head-on agian.

Happiness is a warm card..

Retail therapy is a time honored tradition & reasonably so. You cure what ails you and look fabulous afterwards. As a person who has had a retail addicition before and am now a recovering shopaholic, it is hard to stay on the wagon. Especially when you are on a pay week and the cash is burning a hole in your wallet. I write this as I stand in Jersey Gardens Outlet Mall with a bag full of stuff. I pat myself on the back as I didn't run through stores stuffing everything that caught my eye into a basket and raced to the checkout counter. I stand here victorious as I still hold money in my hand and the urge to buy a pair of black Steve Madden peeptoes does not make me bow to its power. I stand triumphant and proud. Now to reward myself at Mrs. Fields...

---I do what I want

Brand New Heavy

Well, my loves, it's a brand new start. A lot of you have your resolutions firmly in hand and your hopes are all bright & shiny still. As you go about making 2010 "your year", I want you to keep something in mind: negativity. Negativity is a soul stealer. If someone is telling you can't do something or it's not obtainable, cut them out your life. Their negative weight is going to pull your soul down adding unnecessary weight to you. They'll drag you down just to feel justified about their miserable existence. The saying "misery loves company" is still around because it's true. A bitter person hates to see some succeed over them. Yet, they do nothing to better themselves and get stuck in the quicksand.

With that said, I wish that all of you achieve your goals this year. You can only live for you. Remember that.


---I do what I want

Lost in Emotion

This week began in major turmoil. I was angry, hurt, confused and overall wiped mentally. Feelin particularly bitchy, I was home Monday watching ABC's 25 days of Xmas. A dear friend of mine called my phone & for once I picked up not screening the call. He needed a ride to choir rehearsal and wanted to know if I could take him. Telling him I would call him back, I hung up and forgot about him. I was angry & wanted to stay home & eat homemade sugar cookies.

An hour later, he was calling me back and asking if I was going to take him. Feeling guilty, I agreed & packed a few cookies for the road. During the 30 minute ride to the church, we talked and caught up on the other's life. He expressed how glad he was that I agreed and how he always kept me in his prayers. I felt saddened because I've ignored him for about a month now. I didn't anzwert his texts and I screened his calls for some unknown reason. Arriving at the quaint little church, I took my seat in the last pew as the members of he choir made their way up to the pulpit. I pulled out my notebook and tried to work on a story that was giving me trouble. Then they began singing. I've always been a sucker for hymns. They're just beautifully written, and when sang correctly, they're gorgeous.

I sat my notebook down and for the next two hours, I sat and listened to the beauty bouncing acapella around me. The turmoil in me slowly uncoiled and I found myself relaxing slightly. Towards the end of the rehearsal, the young pastor asked me to come forward. He looked me in the eye and asked could he pray for me. Normally, I hate when people ty to pray for me because they see my being Wiccan as being a "heathen". Getting ready to say no thank you, I looked at him and his wife. Looking into his and his wife's eyes, I could see the concern & love in their eyes. So, I agreed interested in what he would say in the prayer.

They circled and held hands with me standing in the middle. He prayed that I find peace and that the troubled look in my eyes (which I assumed I hid well since my own family members didn't realize I was upset) would fade. Tears stung my eyes as I realized he meant it. He didn't falter over the words or say them by rote. They came from a sincere place in his heart.

This man & wife who didn't even know my name were praying to their God for me and meant every single inch of it. The genuinity of it was my undoing. I bawled like a hurt child in front of this choir and clung to my friend's hand as the prayer ended. The pastor motioned me over and said quietly to me: "There are people in your life right now who are trying to kill your spirit. They will be dead to you in your heart by year's end. They don't respect your choices and hamper you. You have to leave them. Kick them out."

Staring at him, I got angry again. He was fishing! Surely he was. How dare he think to generalize me with countless others who he probably gave the same speech! Then he said "The two C's in your life are conflicting you. They are the same but are not. They pull you in separate directions along the same path." He then hugged me & walked away.

I frowned because the two C's in my life were surely pulling me. They both dragged me towards love & are both Scorpios but they both led me down two slippery slopes. Heading home, I listener to my friend chatter and invite me to attend church Sunday. I accepted the offer and lost myself in my musings.

Everything he said had been true. Dwelling on his words, I eventually deleted 32 people out of my cell phone & social networks. I simply sent them a text saying that I would no longer be talkin to them anymore. And that was that. Gone. Erased. Forgotten.

I haven't felt that peaceful in months. My motto has always been "I do what I want" or "Jai Guru Deva Om" (taken from the Beatles song 'Across the Universe'. It's chanted with "nothing's gonna change my world".)

I need to get back to those. I've lost my focus worrying about everyone else & their problems. Next year is MY year. I will worry about me and my own. Dissenters and naysayers need not apply.

---I do what I want

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"I am changing, gonna get my life together now
I am changing, yes, I know how
I'm gonna start again, I'm leaving my past behind
I'll change my life-I'll make a vow
And nothing's gonna stop me now"

I am changing- Dreamgirls Soundtrack